So, you want to be forgiven?

by Julette

This is a common scenario – dealt with it many, many times with friends and clients.

You know you’ve done something hurtful to someone and you want to be forgiven so you go about asking for forgiveness.   But the conversation got turned into another hurtful exchange. 

You think to yourself  “all I wanted was to ask for forgiveness!” “How did it get this bent out of shape?

Well, here are a few possible reasons:

1.  Are you really sorry?  Really, this is a serious question.  Many people just want forgiveness and they ask for it, fully expect to be forgiven.  But they’re not really sorry.  The pain they’ve caused is not something they’ve thought much about.  The remorse is just not there. 

So examine your heart; are you really sorry?
If you’re not, more hurt is probably going to be caused by your request.

2.  Are you willing and did you articulate a commitment to refrain from the hurtful behavior or action?  If someone is not convinced   that you will do everything you can to NOT hurt them again, do you think they’ll be comfortable with you asking for  forgiveness?  Probably not.

3.  Did you accept  the outcomes of your action – whatever  they were?  Chances are there are some consequences to pay.  Did you mention that in your request for forgiveness?  

Acknowledging consequences and your willingness to deal with them is a critical piece of the forgiveness story.

4.  Do you honestly understand why the person got upset or hurt?  Is there compassion in your heart for what they’ve experienced?  Haven’t thought about it?  Then you probably don’t understand and they’ve probably figured that out!

5.  Are you willing to NOT be forgiven and still feel compassionate?  Are you willing to give them more time to heal?  If you don’t feel patience and warmth but instead you’re irritable and impatient, you probably shouldn’t be asking for forgiveness.

Consider these five areas of concern.  

Only when you can honestly answer all five positively  should you be asking for  or expecting forgiveness.

As a matter of fact, forget about ‘asking for forgiveness’ just be genuinely sorry and the forgiveness will come when the time is right.

Wishing you an abundance of love and light,

Julette Millien


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