As with everything else, we learn forgiveness from those we are exposed to as we grow up.
The experiences of childhood have lasting impact. If we observed forgiveness in action, whether we practice it or not, we still know what it is all about. We may make decisions that are contrary to our teachings (overt or subtle) but what we have learned is still there for the doing. If we observe a lack of forgiveness, the same holds true. We can make a decision to be completely different from what we have learned. But if we don’t have an awareness of the cause, we can go around behaving in a way that even we don’t understand.
If you’re trying to be forgiving yet the pull on your heart to remain where you are — angry or upset or numb or disconnected is persistent, you might want to examine the roots of your forgiveness attitude and aptitude.
It’s not just about what you know is right or what you want to do today…it’s also about confronting the source of your attitudes and inclinations; A source that may go far back into childhood. [I don't mean you need to confront that person or people...I mean, confront your own memories and resulting disposition.]
- Who were your forgiveness [or unforgiveness] role models as you grew up?
- What are some of your memories of these people?
- Do you recall observing people who were hurt about something and they seemed to never get over it? [I do!!]
- Did you have someone in your life who actually talked to you about how important it was to forgive people? [I don't recall ever having that conversation.]
- When you quietly reflect on your past, what memories – stories, conversations, pictures, people, movies, books, etc, do you recall that are connected to your present posture on forgiveness?
It would be helpful to write out some of these memories and insights. Make the connections, doodle and draw if you can…create a visual of what you remember.
Then…of course there has to be a THEN!…look at the information objectively. Yes, it’s possible to try your best to be objective. Decide which memories and teachings have served you well and which have to be released.
The ones to release should be lovingly dismissed. No need for anger towards folks who taught you unhelpful life lessons. Just decide that people did the best they could with what they had and now it’s your responsibility to do the same thing; the BEST you can with your improved knowledge and insight.
And the best we can do does not include hanging on to negative emotions of regret, guilt, anger or hostility. As we remember and know more about why we are the way we are, it should be empowering. It should cast light on the connections.
With improved and accurate knowledge, there is power. The power to take steps towards true and lasting forgiveness which is the only path to lasting peace and prosperity.
So reflect on who and what impacted you as you grew up…who were your forgiveness role models?
Wishing you peace, light & joy,
Julette Millien
You can also reach me at www.facebook.com/JuletteMillien
