Forgiveness & Availability: The 3 Essentials

by Julette

Hello Friend!

Being available in relationships go beyond physically showing up and, it determines the success ( and true rewards) of a relationship.

As laid out here in an earlier blog post, Dr. Therman Evans believes availability is a 3-fold concept:

  • presence
  • reach-ability
  • usability

All three must be in place for you to consider yourself truly available: any one missing and you are not available – as much as you may be thinking you are, or you want to be.

So consider your primary relationships – at work/school, church/community or home…would you say you are available based on this criteria?

Are you present – physically, are you spending time in the relationship?

When you’re there, are you reachable and receptive to all that transpires? In other words, are you emotionally present?

Then, are you usable? Are you able to use your gifts and talents to nourish the relationship; to grow it and protect it? I see this as spiritual availability. Are you spiritually available in your primary relationships?

There is one question ( like a litmus test) you can ask your self and get an immediate answer about whether or not you are totally available in your primary relationships:

Are you forgiving your loved ones or team members on a daily basis for whatever is done, left undone or done poorly; for whatever wounded you or disappointed you yesterday?

If you are able to this, consistently, then it is safe to say that you are present, reachable and usable.

Why is this? Because to be available one must be clear of baggage and unresolved pains. These tend to get in the way of everything; how we feel, how we see things and how we wish to interact with another person. The more bogged down we are with unresolved pains and old baggage the less reachable or receptive and usable we will be.

We may be present but not really there.

Why forgive every day? Because we’re human and ‘stuff happens’ every day. We are in the world reacting to this, that and the other, pretty constantly; somewhere along the way we will not see things eye-to-eye, we will inadvertently disappoint. So if we approach each day with the commitment to forgive all, we will be more likely to do just that. We may not need to – as nothing might happen on a particular day warranting forgiveness, but just having your mind made up that you WILL, if needed, will place you in the position of total availability. It’s about starting each day with a nice clean slate.

So everyday…morning and night, just say out loud “I forgive all.” Say it as many times as needed to ring true in your spirit.

It may not be easy but it really is that simple.

Wishing you an abundance of peace, love and light,

Julette Millien


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