I’m always correcting people who thank me for helping them to forgive. It’s one thing to be thanked for saying something that resonated or gets a person to think about things a different way…that I’ll take. But, when a person decides to forgive, it’s because they wanted to; on some level they were ready. I take no credit for what you are ready to do.
No one can make you ready if you’re not and when you’re ready, truly ready, no one can stop you.
Here are five ways to know when you’re ready to forgive someone or release some baggage you’ve been carrying.
1) You think of the person or the thing and you don’t cringe; instead you reflect on the lesson learned (and you’re able to apply it to your life)
2) You can speak with the person or about the incident with a even and light spirit – there might be some nervousness but nothing negative
3) You’re able to pray for the person and wish them well
4) There is no blame in your heart – for the person or yourself
5) You use the incident or experience as a way to help others
If any one of these is not possible as yet but others are, you’re on your way: Keep going, the rest will follow.
And remember, don’t give credit where it is not due.
But I know I will… I know. Not only are there bigger battles to fight, it really is pathetic and having angst about it is a waste of time.
But let me tell you why I struggle.
Barbara Walter s said yesterday on The View that she does not believe in people having a calling…diametrically opposed to what Oprah Winfrey spent a good part of a finale and all of her 25 years espousing. Yes, yes, of course we are allowed to disagree with Ms. O. That is surely not my gripe. Here’s what gets to me.
Actually, let me back up… I should say first that what set the tone for this crass opinion was this: Ms. Walters found it necessary to share with all viewers yesterday what the end of Oprah’s show would be like – she gave a blow by blow of the final scenes. HUH?? HOW CAN YOU DO THAT to the viewers of the View who have NOT seen the show?? I thought that was just thoughtless at best and mean, more likely. OK, maybe it was just an oversight by all at the table. *sigh*
So why am I so bothered about “dissing” Ms. Oprah…I’m not really. Oprah is no victim and can handle all that comes her way – because she “knows from whence her strength comes!” So glad she went there.
I am bothered because people listen to Barbara Walters. She has impact on people. You hear a media icon speak about there being no such thing as a calling to your life – something you are gifted with and do best, something to bring joy and passion and inspiration to your days and to the lives of others….and what happens?
Many people – granted not all, thank God…will become discouraged by that and perhaps even stop dreaming. Life can suddenly become maybe more than a little less hopeful. So perhaps “the hum-drum-ness of every day life and work and struggles is all my life is gonna be?” “You mean this emptiness I feel is it?” “ I don’t have to strive for more because not everybody has something special to offer the world?”
Good Lord Ms. Barbara how can you be that obtuse? Can’t you see that while you can say these things from your tower of privilege and opportunity, people with less depends upon hope and inspiration to get them through the days? That they may even believe in making a difference one day, if not today?
Unless of course it was all an exercise in semantics…and you really believe in what a calling does to a person but you just don’t want to call it that because it’s a little too close to the God thing perhaps?
I don’t know but it sure seemed so ODD for you to get on a soapbox (yes, yes, I know your show is called THE VIEW) on the very day the woman is signing off, and give your contrary opinion on her legacy.
Through her programs and her life she inspired people to reach for their calling and bring joy to their life by serving others.
This was the day you needed to disagree with such a noble achievement?
Really? Shame on you Barbara Walters.
When I think of the thousands you (perhaps not even known to them) impacted yesterday with that comment, I cringe.
I do believe you should apologize – I know, ‘when pigs fly’ according to your protégé Star Jones – and come to peace with what’s beneath your need to be so disagreeable.
I have to forgive you, I know. Writing this post is helping. Doing what I do –helping people to find their promise [from God] in life will also help to put what you have done in perspective.
My heart just aches for all those whose lights you dimmed yesterday.
Believing we have a special and wonderful purpose to serve here on earth pushes us to our highest and best. It encourages us to accept our divine promise – to serve others and bring a little bit more joy to all we meet and serve. Knowing I – along with everyone else on earth, have a special gift to identify and nurture so that I can help others in some way, gets me out of bed in the morning. I can’t even imagine not knowing that! Well, I guess I can. It just seems so sad and empty a life to live.
Robbing people of dreams, purpose and promise just is not right.
I will pray that you find your calling or come to accept the huge contribution you have made in journalism and for women in the workplace as some part of your call here on earth. I know you have done well.
Praying for you will help me to forgive you.
All the best to you…
So those are my thoughts about callings, Ms. Barbara and Ms. Oprah.
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